God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
