if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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