i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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