need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
