I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
