Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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