so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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