return my video game
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
