i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize