O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
