I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
