There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize