Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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