Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
