thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
