just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
