...so i touched it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
