I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
