i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
