Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
