i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
