happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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