i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
