Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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