Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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