Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize