It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just high enough for therapy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize