There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
