Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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