remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
