no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize