went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
