So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
