so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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