They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
