Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
