it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
