Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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