Only a mothe r could love this liver
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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