when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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