I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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