so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
