She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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