i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
