So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
