I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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