The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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