Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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