On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
