There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
