They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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