Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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