oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
as a side note pls kill me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
