So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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