Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
