he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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