its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
