he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize