You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
