woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
