I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize