You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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