Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
