NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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