what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
