It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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