Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
