I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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