Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
