Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
