i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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