She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
