Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
