Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize