I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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